I was diagnosed at a young age and went through the special education system in public schools. Family is incredibly important to me as I grew up in a large supportive family. I enjoy being outside in nature and arts and crafts.
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As a person on the autism spectrum, I often struggle with understanding what other people think, especially when it comes to gift-giving. For me, the idea of paying attention to what somebody wants and then figuring out if they really want it or exactly which item they want is often confusing, frustrating, and can be expensive. I wish I could go up to somebody and say, “Hey, for your present, can you give me a list of three to four items that you want?” I’ve tried that in the past, but I get the feeling that some people are disappointed when I try that direct approach. A lot of people are indirect, and they don’t appreciate people being direct with a request like “What do you want?” or “What can I do to help?”
Another thing I find frustrating is when I ask others what I can do to help them. People don’t always answer honestly. It seems like they want me to guess, and oftentimes my guesses are off. Sometimes they tell you what they want, but that’s not what they really want you to do. I feel like it’s a no-win guessing game. I know they’re trying to give me the information, but verbally, nonverbally, and with their tone of voice, I often miss a lot of the message that they’re trying to give me.
What helps a lot is to give me a deadline for when you want something done. Having specifics written down of what you want done and a due date helps me out tremendously. I really don’t think it’s only people on the autism spectrum who struggle with difficulties understanding expectations. There are two sides when you have people communicating these issues, including what needs to be done and how it needs to be done.
I know that my need for clear, precise communications about expectations can be frustrating. However, I don’t think some people take into account how frustrating it is for me to be constantly trying to translate other people’s communication efforts. It makes me nervous and anxious talking to other people. I always feel like I’m missing something, which is often correct. It makes me want to hide out in my apartment.
Getting out of my apartment is hard for me, but I try to remind myself of all the people who are cheering me on. I also keep in mind that communication can be difficult for many people, regardless of whether they have an official diagnosis or not, and that there are many ways to express myself and that there is not just one “right way” to do so.
Out-of-Sync Woman
