Non-Visible Scars
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While watching some old 911 episodes to pass the time, I came across a quote that really caught my attention:
“When your life, when your world feels like a never-ending emergency, sometimes just making it through the day can be a struggle. We collect scars. Physical and psychological reminders of what we’ve been through, of who and what we’ve lost.”
This made me think of how I got sick in the summer, spent most of August in the hospital, and how I built myself back up from the bottom. I’m sure I’m not the only one who was scared by what happened to me. It was a scary time for my family.
Just a few weeks ago, when I felt some discomfort in my chest, I was having a panic attack at work and texted my parents ASAP. They were there in an instant, and my mother even took me to the hospital in Hershey, where I was seen as a precaution. And that did bring back some memories. My mom could see I was scared about going back, but she calmed me down and was there with me the whole time.
And while I was scared to write about this, I felt that it would help me work through my feelings, and it honestly did. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me, and while I’d love to pretend that it never happened, I also know that it’s important to remember it did. I have to listen to my body, my mind. I can’t be afraid to speak up when I need help.
I’m still nervous when I’m in a hospital building now and then, but I just try to listen to music on my phone to relax.
Once, when I was no longer on oxygen, I got anxious while watching a movie where a character was using a traveling oxygen tank. And I’ll admit it…I went down the wrong road and made some mistakes but I’m actually glad I did make those mistakes. Because I have grown from them and have learned so much about myself and what I am capable of. And my mistakes are a reminder that no one’s perfect.
It’s not fun having scars, even scars that people can’t see. But it helps to consider them a medal of honor for overcoming something hard. I’m proud of my scars. They are a reminder that I can kick butt.
That’s all I’ve got for now, until next time.