Do I Need Help?

“Do I need help?” is a really hard question for me. I was trained and rewarded for coping even if I was not really doing okay. It was more important to look good than to be honest with anyone, including myself. I would often hear, “You’re overreacting” or “That’s not a big deal” a lot while growing up. I learned to ignore what my body was telling me and shut down my senses so I could just try to get through the situation.

However, there is a price to doing that, shutting off your senses, so to speak. I have a very hard time being able to sense if anything is wrong because my internal warning system does not work as well anymore. It is only when things get really bad that I know something is wrong. I’m not trying to create drama or difficulties for others, but it often can appear that way to outsiders.

So, my question is this, “How do I train my body to listen to subtle cues, so I put myself as a priority?” After all, I was taught that putting myself first was a negative thing. I grew up with a role model who imparted that it was better and more valued to take care of somebody else rather than focusing on your own needs first. So, what is the road to self-awareness and self-care? I really wish I knew; I am really struggling with this currently. There are so many things that I need to do to be able to learn that.

I unfortunately also have encountered others that insinuated that I wasn’t a reliable reporter and that my viewpoint wasn’t necessarily accurate or important. I was recently told by someone I previously trusted that “We don’t experience the same thing you do so it doesn’t really matter what you experience.” I feel like society is constantly telling me and others that have similar struggles that our viewpoints, perceptions, and ideas are not accurate or valid.

There are many different reasons that I struggle to realize that something is becoming an issue in my life. Like what happened this past winter and spring, I didn’t think anything was a problem because I was happy and relaxed but a couple of people that I trusted let me know they were worried about me. I’m doing much better these days, but I still struggle to identify and then explain what is going on in my life.

I truly think lots of people also have similar experiences to me. This isn’t an “Autism only” issue, many different people face similar situations. I think the reasons why they might have difficulty are unique and can change depending on the circumstances that the individual faces. It takes a lot of courage to trust yourself and do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Learning how to identify issues before they become a problem takes lots of practice and experience. We don’t always get it right and that’s okay. As always, wishing the best to all the readers.