I was diagnosed at a young age and went through the special education system in public schools. Family is incredibly important to me as I grew up in a large supportive family. I enjoy being outside in nature and arts and crafts.
View all postsCommunication right away
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Communication doesn’t come easily or naturally to me. I have a hard time communicating when I’m unsure of myself which happens a lot more than I would like. Why does this matter? There have been a few times when someone was struggling when I didn’t know what to say. So, unfortunately, I said nothing at all. Was that the best response? I don’t know if it was at that time and even today, I still question myself. I wish I understood social context better so that I would be more secure in responding right away in different situations.
I worry that my lack of response will be misunderstood and seen as a lack of caring on my part. I do care a lot; however, it takes me longer to process situations and conversations and then, oftentimes, the moment has passed. At that point, I just stuff what I would have said and move on with the conversation.
There have also been times when someone said something I didn’t agree and they took my silence as agreement. There have been times when someone said something mean to me and I didn’t respond until much later. In those situations, I would often lose my temper. I remember losing my temper a few times after my sister said something unkind about my clothes. She would often say it when it was just the two of us. After a while, I started yelling at her and then I would seem to be the unreasonable one to the rest of our family.
I don’t think I’m alone in this reaction to awkward situations. However, this gets me thinking about when saying almost anything is better the leaving a heavy silence. I remember an occasion where a friend was talking about being bullied on the school bus many years ago. I don’t think anyone said anything to help her feel less alone. I still feel bad about not speaking up so she wouldn’t feel lonely and unheard. I also remember when an older coworker’s father passed away. I said I was sorry for her loss, but I wish I had said more. I was in my early twenties at the time so I didn’t have the life experiences that I do now. I remember being in social situations with friends and saying something heartfelt and having no response other for them to move the conversation forward. I felt so unheard and unseen too. I know for me it takes practice for me to respond faster.
I wonder if there are other people who also feel deeply but don’t know what to say or do. I think that these days we often struggle to connect to each other. I remember reading that loneliness is quite common. I know these feelings of being alone can hardly be a healthy experience. I’m at a loss of how to change things for myself or others besides continuing my best to make connections by trying to communicate with others. I am wondering if the readers have similar experiences and what they do in these situations.
Out-of-Sync Woman
