Kel (they/them) is in their late 20’s and didn’t learn of their autism until their second year of college. This helped them get the tools they needed to graduate on time but also gave them a sense of community. A lot of their early life was given more context. Now, they work as a self-advocate, helping other people just like them. They like to play video games, board games, write, draw, act, and cosplay in their spare time. They also are fond of their family pets; four dogs and a cat.
View all postsBirthday Blog
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Something I’ve had to learn as I get older is that birthdays get a lot less exciting. I’m used to having at least one party with my family, and that doesn’t happen anymore. After I turned 21, there’s been less and less fanfare. It confused me at first and even upset me a fair amount.
Thankfully, I was able to talk to my family about this, and we’ve gotten a lot better by balancing my feelings with what we’re able to pull off. There’s always a cake, and I usually get to pick what we’re having for dinner. My mom also likes to stop and get me a coffee drink for breakfast, which helps make my morning better. I don’t typically ask for presents anymore, so that’s not a problem.
It can be hard to do anything more than that, though. I really feel bad complaining since I appreciate what is done for me and know many people don’t even get this much. I also deal with my birthday being close to a national holiday. Sometimes things aren’t open, or people aren’t around, which can be hard. When I was younger, I didn’t mind waiting until the holiday to celebrate with my family, but if it happened now, I’d feel like an add-on.
If there was one thing I could change, I would like my family to play more board games or go to escape rooms with me. They’re one of my special interests, and people rarely indulge in them with me. I must rely on my family because I don’t have friends to play with. I often hear that they’re too tired, or there isn’t enough space, or they simply don’t want to play. I work hard to understand other people’s needs and have even been doing escape rooms by myself when I used to do them with others. Another problem is that I’ll be led to believe it will happen on a certain day, but then plans will change, and it will be pushed back. This is really frustrating to me, and it can be hard to move on with my day.
I was happy when I got to play my favorite board game (Betrayal at House on the Hill, Legacy Edition) with my dad and sister this past weekend. It hit especially hard because my Dungeons and Dragons group had to cancel as well, which would often fill that space for me. I made sure to make space for the game and set everything up. We played and had a fun time! I really hope we get to play it again soon, because waiting a year to play is super hard for me.
In the meantime, my family and I will continue to work on communicating our needs better and making compromises more often. This year was the first year in a long time that I didn’t cry on my birthday, and I want that to become a positive pattern. I’m really thankful for all my family does for me, and I hope they’re proud of me, too.
Kel
