Summer So Far

Posted on July 30, 2020

The whole month of June has been very hard for me but it has given me perspective on personal growth in a way where it makes me feel some concern for others, my family, and the way I feel about my involvement around life. So just to keep it brief, I will talk about everything that has been concerning me and if there’s any sort of change that I might have made, such as not going outside in some cases. So hopefully my perspective helps as it is being said from someone who’s trying to improve more and more socially.

So just to kick off things, I do want to talk about how the month of June began. I completely understand that there’s been social injustice, and as much as the constant hearing of not just George Floyd, but of the names before (as well as the names after) breaks me down, as an African American young adult with Asperger’s. I have a concern about how my family, knowing that there were people that trying to do right and give justice, but there were some that made it go array and even gathered to destroy some areas around where I would see my family regularly, even my own neighborhood. This has made me concerned for my family and their wellbeing, it’s probably why I have used my cellphone even more and not put any thought to it, but I just felt as though I should keep checking on the wellbeing of my family and my friends.

As for myself, I think it has messed up the way I have been planning my events. I would forget to wear my face covering whenever I leave the house and do things. I started to pocket them just in case I attempt to go out for a quick walk. It’s little things like this where I don’t really want to go outside, but I still want to embark on self-responsibility. I have been coming to the point of understanding that it’s okay to feel afraid for yourself because it’s really a human thing to do. Sometimes I don’t want to feel like this because I want to resume what I was doing before all this was happening or even see people that I have been talking to online and go out to do activities with them, and I miss that. I want to try and do more self-meditating activities (taking pictures, walking, listening to relaxing songs), but even then, I would often forget something very essential  (like my face covering, keys, glasses, etc.) and then would overreact when I go to a store, public transportation or even a park. 

Also, one of the things that have been throwing me off is the sounds of fireworks. It’s one thing where you are aware that there have been injustices for multiple cases of police brutality, and some cases of that end with really loud noises. It’s hard to hear fireworks as it is followed up by the confusion of whether you are hearing gunshots or actual fireworks. So, as I mentioned before, I was concerned for my family and friends and wanted to check on them, but with loud bursts at odd times reduced my motivation to do that. Some noises really didn’t sound like fireworks and I was hoping that anyone near my house or, more importantly, myself was not in proximity to that. I feel as though that no matter what time you go outside, there are still loud noises and knowing that there my family and friends are also out there, whether essential workers or just buying food, while I was hearing the sound of fireworks while the sun is still up made me concerned.  Sometimes,  I don’t really mind loud noises at all, but I will admit that this has been one odd set of events this year as some of the noises slowly dying off. 

I can’t really say that I am going to do anything for summer. What has been happening this summer has been very concerning for me, but I don’t want to overreact or think entirely negatively in terms of my personal well being. There are ways now I am trying to destress, like exercising at home, listening to calming music, or even take small rests whenever I think of any extreme situation, with all that was happening in June, as I tried to not overreact. Other than that, I do hope that everyone is safe from the virus and is trying their best to cope with the summer.