Feeling Like a Teenage Alien

As a teenager I didn’t feel like a human. I felt like an alien because I felt so distant from everyone around me except for my mom. I had a hard time connecting, communicating, and understanding other people almost all the time. I was an angry, anxious, depressed, and an exhausted mess. I tried so hard to understand the people around me that by the end my school day, I needed down time to pet my bunny or read.

I can understand not feeling like a human being or not feeling like your outside appearance matches your inner self. I think it takes great courage and even greater understanding to figure out who you are. I believe that no matter who you are, it takes courage to understand yourself and to accept who you are.

I came to the conclusion that I was human in my twenties because I had started to feel better about my life. I finally made it out of the school system, but not without a lot of emotional baggage and trauma, even though I had blocked most of my memories from that time period.

Flashing forward many years to the present and I’m excited that people have more opportunities to express who they are to other people. I can’t say that I understand all the ways people feel or identify themselves but I’m incredibly happy to learn more about others and their lives.

On the other hand, I often struggle to understand the Evangelical Christian Church or any Christian denomination. I wasn’t raised in an organized religion, but I was raised in a spiritual tradition. Due to the lack of background, I feel incredibly uncomfortable in church settings and talking about religious topics. I kind of see why they have discomfort about the subject of LGBTQ+ as it is something that they’re often not that familiar with. I know what it is like to feel uncomfortable and awkward about a variety of social situations. I can relate to feeling like I’m pressured not to say anything or like my opinion is unwanted. That being said, one of my strongest beliefs is that no one should be shamed, belittled, or ignored for their beliefs no matter how unpopular they may seem.

I wish there was more middle ground these days about a lot of topics. However, I don’t want to use or hide behind a false or “fake peace” since it usually doesn’t work well for long. I have a situation where I was unhappy for many years about some relationships and didn’t speak up about my hurt feelings. I waited so long that I hit a point where I couldn’t hide how I felt anymore, and I currently don’t know to do to better the situation. My friends didn’t tell me they were angry with me for years either. Not talking about what was wrong didn’t work in the short term or the long term either.

I believe that it’s good to have opinions, beliefs, and self-knowledge. It will help you live a life that you can be proud of. It’s okay to talk about what you believe with other people. However, I strongly believe no should be put down, shamed for not believing the same things, or made to feel less than for any reason. I strongly dislike it in any form, be it in real life, entertainment or politics.

This is one of the blogs that I really had to work harder and longer on than my usual blogs. I wrote it because I’m waiting and thinking about how to respond to some relationship issues. I honestly don’t know what I need to do next. Currently I’m not feeling okay about these relationships and admitting this is scary but freeing at the same time.

I covered a lot of tough topics in this blog. Whatever you feel is valid. If any part of this blog is triggering, please seek help by talking to someone you trust. As always, I hope this blog was helpful to my readers.