Experiencing Grief

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I’m currently sitting at a coffee shop staring at my phone. I’m feeling at a loss, while numb and sad due to the passing of my dad. I had recently found out my dad was sick and was living with my older sister for care.

Then I went on a road trip to see my dad to say goodbye in person and spend time with other family members. It was a really hard time for me since my dad was in so much pain and looked so fragile. I only felt up to staying for a short visit. Looking back, I’m not sure if going home early was the right choice. In hindsight, I’m thinking maybe I should have stayed longer. It’s easy to think “if only I had stayed longer that week.” The reason I second-guess myself is because my dad passed on later that week.

My grief and sadness come in waves which I feel very deeply and then the grief moves on. It’s hard to tell what will cause these feelings. Also, I can tell my physical reactions are slower than usual. For example, I’m walking slower and feel less aware of my surroundings. I feel tired all the time and I just want to sleep and not do anything at all. My ability to think, plan and react has been affected. I’m pretty sure a stranger wouldn’t know how sadness is affecting me, but my friends would.

Everyone experiences their emotions in different ways. I was curious if my Autism changes the way I interact with grief. So, I looked up the topic. I appreciated the articles that explained how grief might affect me as a person on the Autism Spectrum most of all. I have more of an understanding about the many emotions I could be feeling. It was also useful for learning how these feelings might affect my day-to-day life. Most of all I learned that I’m not alone in going through this experience. I have included two resources that I found useful as an adult on the Autism Spectrum dealing with grief.

Video: Grief & Autism – Navigating Loss Differently

National Autistic Society: Bereavement – A Guide for Autistic Adults

Out-of-Sync Woman

I was diagnosed at a young age and went through the special education system in public schools. Family is incredibly important to me as I grew up in a large supportive family. I enjoy being outside in nature and arts and crafts.

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