Bad News

I just heard from my Dad a few days ago and found out that he is really sick. I also found out that he had moved into my older sister’s house for more care. I had so many questions about what was going on. How serious was his condition? What caused him to get so sick? How long had he been sick? I got some answers right away but other questions I had to wait until I received a joint text for me and another sister. Turns out my gut feeling was correct, unfortunately.

 I felt like this might be the beginning of the end for my dad. Turns out I was correct about that feeling. My sister texted that we should see him soon. I’m planning on seeing him this week for a short visit. I would stay longer but he is easily tired, and I do better with short visits too. I’m sad but I’m grateful for the opportunity to say goodbye to my dad. I’m so grateful that he is staying with my sister and her family.

I’m okay a lot of time but then it hits me hard that my dad has only a short time left. I used to think I would be okay when my dad would pass away but I’m not sure that is correct or accurate to say right now. I want so badly to save the day like Superman but even Superman would be at a loss in this situation. I want to do very different things that are opposite to each other, one is to race down to see my dad and try to help, spending as much time as possible helping and spending time with family. The other is to let my fear and grief keep me from going at all and staying home where I feel safe. I’m pretty sure both reactions don’t make for this situation.

I have a fair amount of work I need to do before I head out on my trip. I need to make sure everything is tidy and safe for the cats to be by themselves for a day or two. I also need to work ahead so I don’t fall behind at my job. I also need to let my supervisor know that I won’t be at the weekly meeting. The good news is all of this is very doable with some help from my aid.

I’m afraid of falling apart during or after my visit to my dad and family. This trip will be so hard for me. I guess I can do my best and try to keep it together. I wonder if my siblings and their families feel similar to me. It will be so hard for me to say goodbye forever. What I will say to my dad is that I love him and that I’m proud of him and that I know he did his best. I’m not sure that there is much more to say. I hope he is not in pain or afraid. I hope he feels good about a life well lived. There is no easy way to say goodbye to someone you love.

I know that I’m not alone in my grief and that my Dad will be greatly missed by many people since he has touched so many lives. This was a tough blog to write and I’m sure a rough blog to read. If you’re feeling sad, always remember to reach out to friends and family. Do something that makes you feel better and embrace the good things in life.